One friend said to me a few days ago “The mind is a scary place”. That’s so true. Mental health comes in all shapes and sizes. It not only has an impact on yourself but others around you i.e. your family and friends. I can imagine it’s a daunting prospect to think of the perfect thing to say to someone whose mental health isn’t at its best. But honestly, it’s ok to feel a little worried about what the best thing is to say. I’m sure we’ve all been there where we’ve been stuck for words because we don’t want to upset anyone. That feeling that you’re treading on eggshells to avoid saying the wrong thing.
I think in terms of the things to say and the things not to say to someone with bad mental health, it’s all about common sense. Think before you speak. If you’re not sure if it’s the right thing to say, then don’t say nothing at all – just be there. Sometimes a good listening ear and being that shoulder to cry on is enough. But sometimes the right word can make the world of difference to someone who is struggling.
However, sometimes people can say the wrong thing. More often or not, it’s not meant to come across in a malicious way. People react differently and cope in different ways. Saying things like “lighten up” or “it’s just a phase” aren’t very helpful. Saying things like “Thank you for telling me” or “You’re doing the right thing by speaking about it” are incredibly helpful to those who need to hear those words.
There are some people who will put their foot in it though. Some people who’s brains are two seconds behind their mouth.
Here are some of the things you should NEVER say to someone who is struggling with their mental health:
1) It’s just a phase, it’ll pass
Oh, this is the equivalent of saying ‘Let it go’ or ‘Just get on with it’. Mental health is never a phase, it’s not like going through a phase of eating Subway salads for lunch. This is mental health, it doesn’t have an off switch.
2) It’s all in your mind
Yeah, well, duh! Of course it’s in my frigging mind, that’s where the frigging problem is! I don’t choose to have bad mental health, nobody does. It’s like you’re saying to me “You deliberately chose to have bad mental health”. It’s not helpful.
3) Everyone gets down/has a moment sometimes
This is such a dismissive comment to make. It’s like you’re completely disregarding how I am feeling. Saying something like this to someone, you know, saying this is normal, may prevent that person from seeking treatment. The fact that you have stated that it’s normal to feel this way is very tactless on your part.
4) There are people worse off than you
How insensitive is this though?! This is another example of completely disregarding how I’m feeling. Next time you moan about Greggs being out of sausage rolls, I’ll remind you that there are people worse off than you. See how that could get annoying?
5) Oh just cheer up!
You can guess which two fingers I’m holding up right now to this statement.
6) But you’re always smiling and laughing
Sometimes I don’t feel like smiling and laughing, but, for me personally, I don’t want to let others know that I’m feeling down. Some days I’ll just come out with it and say I’m not in a good place. Sometimes I’ll keep quiet and just laugh and smile when I need to.
These are some of the things not to say to someone with bad mental health. There are other things, but I think common sense prevails here and they don’t need to be mentioned. With everything that has gone on in the last two years, mental health should not be a taboo subject, nor should it still be disregarded. What this pandemic has made us all see is that some people’s mental health has taken a battering. We should all be more empathetic, be less judgemental and, most importantly, listen. Check in on those who you haven’t heard from in a while. Check in on those who are going through a difficult time in their life. Even if it’s just to ask if they’re ok. That text/DM can help someone so much.
