I will put my hands up and admit that, in the past, I have apologised for something when not needing to. Years ago, it became an occupational habit for me to just say sorry to keep the peace. Nowadays, after years of practice, I have learned to not apologise for something when I’m not in the wrong.
Obviously, I will apologise when I realise or know that I’m in the wrong. It’s the decent thing to do. Like if I bump into somebody while walking past them. If I get a customer’s order wrong at work. If I reply to an email a few days later than I would’ve liked. These are examples of reasons why I and you should apologise.
However, more annoyingly, I sometimes end up apologising for being me – and that’s not right.
I, and the rest of us, should never have to apologise for being ourselves. For example, I used to apologise to the interviewer at a job interview for feeling nervous. Umm…why should I have done?! It’s natural to feel nervous at a job interview, no matter how confident you are. So should I apologise and justify my nervousness to a job interviewer.
As I said, it’s a hard habit to practice, but here are thee things we all need to stop apologising for –
1) Our appearance
I apologise far too often for my appearance. For not wearing makeup, for looking a mess after finishing work, for not having my best clothes on, for my hair looking a state. You name it, I’ve apologised for something relating to my appearance. If I choose to venture out to Morrison’s without wearing makeup, why should I apologise?! Ok, I’m not saying that I say sorry to all the shoppers I pass in the fruit and veg aisle for my look, but you know. I’m all for the natural look anyway, so it’s best for me to embrace it than apologise for it. I will not apologise for my appearance, that’s not happening.
2) Our personalities
Now, I am a woman who can be incredibly blunt about things. My brain has the tendency to turn on no-filter mode when it feels like it. I know when I need to keep my mouth shut, but sometimes, I’ll just say the first thing that comes into my mind. I won’t apologise for that. That’s my personality. That’s who I am. However, I can be very sweet and kind, I promise! My way of thinking of it is that if we all had the same personality, the world would be a rather boring place. So be you boo!
3) For saying no
There comes a time or another when we have to say no, for our own good. I do hate saying no, I feel so guilty when I do. But we have to remember that we can’t do everything. Sometimes saying no is a must. We all have different priorities and sometimes we need to focus on them. I’m all for saying yes when I can, but sometimes saying no is well-needed. As much as it’s hard not to feel guilt afterwards, don’t be sorry.
4) How we feel
A lesson we should all learn – our feelings are valid. We’re all going through different situations in our lives. Just because somebody doesn’t understand what you’re going through, it doesn’t make your feelings any less valid. I’m quite an emotional person at times. For example, I cry when an animal dies in a film, I cry at the Repair Shop. I’ll always cry every time I watch the last 30 minutes of ET. I even cried (happy tears) when Liverpool won the Premier League two years ago. But I think that was my antibiotics playing hell with my hormones. Anyway, please don’t apologise for how you feel, you’re not being oversensitive. Your feelings are worthy. Remember that.
5) Needing ‘me’ time
In need of some self-care? As long as you have the time, do it. Don’t apologise for taking some ‘me’ time for yourself. We all need a little self-pampering once in a while. It’s natural. Sometimes it’s good to just breathe and focus on yourself for a little while and not others.
6) Asking questions
I won’t lie, I still do this. If I want to know something I don’t know the answer to, I apologise before asking the question. Why do we do that?! If you need clarification or reassurance on something, don’t apologise for that. It’s better for you to know than to not know. I’m sure astronauts have asked questions before being launched into space, so why shouldn’t you?!
7) Not texting back straight away
If you’re busy and someone texts you, don’t fret about replying ASAP. Dedicate a time of day to replying to texts/messages/tweets/DM’s, then you can give your full attention.
